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my friends are all feeling emo lately. but i cant do anything to help because i cant even get out of the fix i'm in. i struggle to find the correct words to say. and everything feels so hard.

i loathe that emptiness that never seems to leave me. how pathetic. maybe 5 years down the road, i will laugh at how stupid i was.

很爱过谁会舍得

把我的梦摇醒了

宣布幸福不会来了

用心酸微笑去原谅了

也翻越了

有昨天还是好的

但明天是自己的

开始懂了

快乐是选择

nothing has been going right lately.
for the first time in ages, i wished i was someone else. in a far away land. in a place, where words cant hurt others, and actions wont compromise on your sanity.

there is this question that goes: would you befriend a person like yourself, if you were to be someone else?

why would i want to be? if i myself cant even accept the person i turn out to be.
when my friend is in alot of pain,not only was i not able to help her ease her despair, i ended up mocking at things i probably should not and presing for answers when i have no right to do so.

since when did i become so insensitive, or was i never to begin with. perhaps, the problem lies with me. you are right, i have an attitude problem. at the very least, i acknowledge that. they say its never too late to change. but some mistakes, once made, can never be rectified. if it brings misery, i rather i lock myself up, in solitary, if it can spare those i hold dear that few moments of silence that they need, of which my absence perhaps will bring.

i have problems of my own. yet, compared to others, mine seem so tiny, so minute, so insignificant, so much so that i felt it would have been better, if i dont breath a word of it. problem after problem snowballing, it deprives me of the space, and the air to breath. i dont want to admit, because it makes me feel more helpless and weaker. but. slowly, and surely, it is gnawing me hollow.



it was never meant it to turn out this way, i swear.



i asked for your heart, and you gave me a stone.

13 days to promos.

i think i'm going to have a nervous breakdown or smthn.
like real soon.
keep getting this suppressed feeling. zzz
getting vry paranoid smore.
keep panicking over every little thing.

always feel vry short of time. which obviously is true. zz
13 days omg.
how to finish.
just cse and history alone is enough to kill.
sleep around 3 plus am almost everyday. keep doing and yet i cant even finish homework let alone start revision.

for once, i wish time would just stop for me.

my bday was on 26 mar.

yay. i redid my essay and i finished it. dmn proud of myself.

my blog's dead for so long that nobody bothers to come anymore. lol. thats good. so if i'm pissed enough to badmouth anyone nobody will know.

i want to strangle him and chop him up into 108 pieces.
i spent my whole bloody day writing that freaking essay. i really spent alot of time and effort on it lah. took bout 40 minutes to 1 hour to write a SINGLE paragraph. and there's 7. imagine the time i wasted on it though i concentrated on writing throughout.

and then during maths lesson today, which was after history lecture, he came to find shuyu to ask her where were our class essays. for freaking gawd's sake who will want to steal history essays lah wth? apparently he didnt lay a finger on our essays at all or see them when it was left on his table in lt2. or so he claims. so all the essays are missing. wth. problem is. i handwrote it. i freaking wrote the whole bloody essay out. which means i have no freaking soft copy so its not just like i can reprint it again. I WROTE IT lah. wtf. which means if he cant find it, i have to rewrite the whole effing thing AGAIN.wth. my first graded history essay of the year and it ends up like that. wth. i'm so gonna flame him someday.